All Births Matter

By Randi van Wiltenburg, The Butterfly Baby Doula

When we talk about birth majority of people think of a super beautiful and happy experience or the total opposite. No matter how you birth, or where you birth, or who you birth with, no matter what the outcome is, your birth experience matters.

How you feel about your birth absolutely and unequivocally matters. People often negate traumatic births by saying “at least your baby is healthy.” This isn’t ok as it takes the power away from the person speaking and expressing themselves, but what happens when someone has birth trauma and their baby isn’t healthy or their baby didn’t make it?

Language is such a powerful tool, it can either bring reassurance and validation or it can pour salt onto an already opened wound.

Within my work with loss parents and parents with living children the common thread for a “good” birth experience is simple; it’s being heard. When you’re heard, you get to play a more active roll in your experience and how your emotions may play into this. Even when things don’t go as one had wanted, so long as they felt they had a voice and they were respected they seem to have a happy birth experience.

So I challenge you the next time someone says they aren’t happy about their birth, listen to them. Truly and fully hear what they are saying and expressing.